Not an Iron-Maiden

I am a writer & an artist. I am a scrapbooker, an interior designer & decorator, an architect. I am innovative, creative & resourceful.

I am also a wife & a mother. A mother who is doing the best for her children whether they think so or not. I break quarrels, I make meals, I break more quarrels. I attempt the impossible- not climbing Everest, but working towards peace amongst siblings. Amongst all of us. I am both judge & jury. I bake & cook & clean. I launder everyones’ dirty underwear, stinky socks &- yes I have to touch them.

I analyze aches & pains, & determine which need a doctor & which need a bandaid. I pamper broken limbs. I defy & banish viruses & I attempt to dry tears & make everything all right again whether it is or not. I straighten out misunderstanding. I try to teach mutual respect. I try to channel my kids, not change them. To teach them how to think for themselves, figure things out, make decisions.

I know the importance of being a good listener. I learn about pokemon, bionicles, hermit crabs, sports. Then I know & understand my children & their hobbies. I root for their team games, whether I can be there or not. I keep an open & inviting house for all their collective friends, who feel at home here, welcome.

I try always to see the other side of the story & also to teach my children to do this. I love them & cry when they are hurt physically or emotionally. I mourn over their acne troubles, their bad hair days, their teacher issues, their stupid homework assignments. I would keep them from suffering if it were possible. From the troubles with ‘friends’, siblings, etc.

I am also a dog keeper & trainer. I chase them out of neighbors yards, out of the horse pastures with manure. I lose sleep whelping pups. I wipe up cat barf & dog pee. I clean fish & newt tanks. I allow jars of frogs & tadpoles on my kitchen counters. I rid the house of spiders & flies, squish ants & beetles. And I don’t freak out when the garter snake gets loose never to be found again.

I am a go between. From daughters to husband & back again, trying to unite (or at least remove explosives) from two foreign objects. The one can’t imagine that Dad was ever a kid- he ‘doesn’t know about anything’. The other doesn’t get that teen daughters can’t be responsible for every word they utter. I tell Dad to read between the lines. Or I attempt to translate for him the things his daughters & sometimes his sons say.

And at the same time, I do not want to burden them with my feelings of inadequacy, or the fact that I have feelings too. Feelings that get hurt. Days that are difficult. I am not an ironmaiden standing strong and immobile, & yet I feel I should be.

I try to be an example, but I am not infallible. I have the same flesh as anyone, the same foibles. But my bottom-of-the-heart desire is to do the best for my family, in spite of that & health issues. Even if they don’t see it. Or remember it.

And no matter what I always love them to absolute bits & pieces—my family, my life. In everything, out of everything, I like them & I love them for who they are.