Story’s Little White Lies

134170985_istockphoto_thinkstockIt’s funny how as a writer I find myself becoming, at times, a better oral story teller. I just caught myself retelling a small scenario from church to my husband and simplifying some of the details to make a better verbal impact and a greater punchline.

Huh. Did I just lie? Did I just go against everything I’ve been taught all my life and tell a Lie?

Interesting. And all the more so because it’s becoming a bit of a habit.

There’s nothing worse than listening to someone tell a story and having them use a lot of “sort-of’s” and “kind-of’s,” or “a little bit’s.” Or describing something as “like a this thing–well, no, maybe it was more like a that–” They try to get the details just so and for many things, like telling how father’s iridectomy went, the details count. After all you don’t want Aunt Bertha passing the story to Uncle Curt and suddenly father’s iridectomy becomes a triple bypass complicated by a plantar’s wart and his body odor and he had an out of body experience in the midst of it.story-fun

If your child’s teacher calls to tell you your child spit on the janitor’s head, you better hope she’s not fiddling the truth, when your child only sneezed on the water fountain.

Nooo, we don’t want that sort of false retelling. And when the boss says you’re getting a $10 an hour raise and you open your next paycheck to find a 10 cents a day decrease— well there’s h— oops, certainly something to pay.

So how do we tell a story for the sake of a good story? Cause I know I’m not alone.

Because I’ve caught myself altering the strict truth of story simply for love of telling it well. I doubt I’m the only one. Let’s hope I’m not heading for perdition. Story gets into ones blood. It’s been part of civilization ever since—ever. Like since the first cave-men with no language, spoken or written, played charades to tell each other what happened out in the fields that day. of course they’re gonna swap the details to out-do one another.storytelling

What does fiddling the facts comes from? Perhaps some of us get tired of listening to stories from people who have to reclaim every detail, important  or not, that slow down the story and cause you to lose interest. The tension is stretched to uselessness by constant correcting themselves or telling too much back-story in a backwards manner, whether it pertains or not.

Or it’s because, as of we writers, the editing of the written word, the maximizing of each phrase to carry the story, the careful choosing of words to say more than they do at face value, has taught us to edit more carefully the spoken story too.

It’s the essence that counts. The overall effect. The end result. Carried only by choice details, not all and sundry.story1

So what if the little boy in church today actually hummed a different tune than the Star Wars Theme song? If not, it was certainly a lot like it and created the same impact–a wave of tittering in the rows nearest him. So later when I told my husband, it would have lost the giggle factor if I’d out loud speculated if that’s what song it really was. The acoustic quality of the tale would have failed entirely, thus vetoing the point of the tale.

And it was funny. The little guy belted out that tune right during a pause.AA_New_Logo♫ ♯♪  Dun da da DUN dun, dunta da Daaaa…♫ ♯♪



Liar, Liar, Read all About It!

How often have you stood in line at a check-out, stared at the headlines of the magazines and thought, WHHHaaaaaT?

The media must think we’re all daft donkey’s walking sideways with blinkers on. My all time favourite was this one: “Bassett Hound gets Amazing Facelift.” So I immediately thought, hey, that’s what my 3 bassett hounds need! so I gave them each a facelift myself:Copy of new-1

(Seriously though,their image was much more drastic than this one, which I photo-shopped myself of my non-existent bassetts.)

Here’s another fabulous headline: Bat Boy Sighted in NYC Subway!bat

Translation: Half-naked bald guy being paid big $ to pose with his mouth ajar.

You’ve seen ’em.

“Man Sucked into Sausage Seasoning Machine.” Watch where you buy your smokies.enhanced-buzz-18369-1334682034-31

“Diana was Still Alive hours before she Died.” How unusual. Only Royalty perhaps?

“Woodworker offers ‘Build your own Coffin’ class.” Now there’s a cheerful hobby.

“Grandma’s Ashes Mistakenly Sold at Yard Sale.” This one just might be one of those “truth is stranger than fiction” things. Shiver.

“Statistics Show Teen Pregnancy drops off Significantly After Age 25.” It’s almost scary.

“Baby Born singing Christmas Carols.” or “Baby Born with Tattoo of WW2 battle ship on upper forearm.” Same wonderkid, maybe?

“Caskets Found as Workers Demolish Mausoleum.” What did they hope for–cases of Twinkies?

And yet as serious fiction writers we have to triple check our facts…

Honestly, “Freedom of the press” shouldn’t be interpreted as “Release of the ninnyhammers.”

Still, if you need a good laugh…

“Homicide Victims Won’t Confide to Police.”enhanced-buzz-7957-1334685255-2